The Art of Introspection

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I hope this letter finds you well, curled up with your favorite beverage and maybe a few minutes of peace. If you're reading this while hiding in the bathroom from your kids or during a boring Zoom meeting (camera off, I hope!), I won't judge. We take our moments of peace where we can find them, right?

Question to ponder: When was the last time you spent 15 minutes alone with your thoughts, without reaching for your phone?

So About That Self-Reflection Thing...

Last week, I found myself in what I now affectionately call "The Great Parking Garage Meltdown of 2025." Picture this: I'm running late to drop off a delivery, circling level after level of a downtown parking garage, (downtown parking sucks so bad) getting increasingly frantic as each spot seems to vanish just as I approach it (and we are not allowed to park in front of the building, SMH). By the time I finally found a spot (on level 7, naturally), I was a ball of stress, practically radiating anger and negative energy.

I slammed my car door, most likely damaged the package aggressively pulled it out of the car, stomped toward the elevator, and then... stopped. Something inside me just said, "Hang on. What's actually happening here?"

I took a deep breath. Then another. And I asked myself: "Why am I letting a parking spot ruin my entire day?" Because this isn’t the first or the last time this is going to happen, lol.

It sounds so silly now, typing it out. But in that moment, taking just 30 seconds to step back and reflect completely changed my trajectory. I realized I wasn't actually upset about parking—I was anxious about being late for my delivery, worried about being judged, and frustrated with myself for not leaving earlier.

This got me thinking about how rarely we actually pause to look inward. We're constantly bombarded with external stimuli—notifications, obligations, other people's opinions—that we barely have time to check in with ourselves. What do I actually want? How am I really feeling? Why did I react that way?

Self-reflection isn't some woo-woo luxury for people with too much time on their hands. It's a survival skill in today's chaotic world. It's the difference between reacting to life and responding to it.

The Science Behind Looking Inward

Did you know that regular self-reflection actually changes your brain? Studies have shown that introspective practices strengthen neural pathways associated with emotional regulation and decision-making. When we take time to reflect, we're literally rewiring our brains to make better choices and respond more thoughtfully to challenges.

But here's the kicker—most of us are doing it wrong.

We think self-reflection means ruminating on our problems or beating ourselves up for past mistakes. That's not reflection; that's self-torture. True reflection involves curiosity rather than judgment, exploration rather than criticism.

When I reflected in that parking garage, I wasn't thinking, "I'm such an idiot for not leaving earlier!" Instead, I was curious: "What's really going on here? What am I actually feeling beneath this frustration?"

That's the kind of reflection that leads to growth rather than just rehashing the same old patterns.

Two Ideas to Spark Your Reflection

1. The Five Whys

This technique comes from the manufacturing world, but it works beautifully for personal reflection. When you notice a strong emotion or reaction, ask yourself "why?" five times in a row, digging deeper each time.

For example:

• Why am I upset about this email? Because my colleague's tone seemed dismissive.

• Why does that bother me? Because I worked really hard on that project.

• Why does that matter so much? Because I don't feel my contributions are valued.

• Why is feeling valued important? Because I doubt my own abilities sometimes.

• Why do I doubt myself? Because I'm afraid of not measuring up to expectations.

See how quickly we can move from a surface reaction to a deeper understanding? That fifth "why" often reveals something profound about our core beliefs and needs.

2. The Evening Pages

Many people swear by morning pages—three pages of stream-of-consciousness writing first thing in the morning. But I've found evening reflection to be even more powerful.

Before bed, take 10 minutes to write about your day, focusing on three simple questions:

• What went well today?

• What challenged me today?

• What did I learn about myself today?

No need for perfect grammar or polished prose. Just you, being honest with yourself about your experiences. The magic happens when you review these entries over time and start noticing patterns in your reactions, choices, and growth.

I've been doing this for six months now, and let me tell you—it's been like finding a map to my own mind. I can see clearly now when I'm falling into old patterns or when I'm genuinely growing in areas that matter to me.

Quick Tips for Better Self-Reflection

1. Schedule it. Seriously, put "reflection time" in your calendar. Even if it's just 5 minutes, protect that time like you would an important meeting.

2. Change your environment. Physical space affects mental space. If you're struggling to reflect, try going for a walk, sitting in a different room, or even just changing positions.

3. Ask better questions. Instead of "Why am I such a mess?" try "What's one small thing I can learn from this situation?" The quality of your reflection depends on the quality of your questions.

4. Use a trigger. Link reflection to something you already do daily. Maybe it's while brushing your teeth, during your commute, or as you're waiting for your coffee to brew.

5. Write it down. Something magical happens when thoughts move from your head to paper. They become clearer, more concrete, and easier to examine objectively.

6. Make it sensory. Light a candle, brew a special tea, or create a playlist that puts you in a reflective mood. These sensory cues can help your brain shift into reflection mode more easily.

7. Embrace the awkward. Self-reflection can feel uncomfortable at first—like any new skill. Stick with it anyway. The discomfort is where the growth happens.

My Favorite Find of the Week

I've been absolutely obsessed with "The Book of Delights" by Ross Gay. It's a collection of short essays about finding joy in everyday moments, and it's transformed how I approach self-reflection. Instead of always focusing on problems or areas for improvement, Gay demonstrates how to reflect on moments of delight—those tiny, easy-to-miss instances of beauty and connection in our everyday lives.

One essay is literally about watching a praying mantis on a flower. Another is about sharing berries with a stranger. These aren't grand, life-changing events, but Gay's reflection on them reveals how rich and meaningful our lives already are, if only we pay attention.

I've started my own "delight inventory" as a result, jotting down one small moment of joy each day. It's changing how I move through the world—I'm more alert to the good stuff, more aware of the abundance already present in my life.

Also Worth Checking Out:

• The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer. This has been a game-changer for me in learning how to reflect without the harsh self-criticism.

• The "Ten Percent Happier" app has some fantastic guided reflections. I especially love the ones with Sebene Selassie, who has this incredibly soothing voice and a knack for asking just the right questions to prompt meaningful reflection.

• "How to Do Nothing" by Jenny Odell. Despite the title, this isn't about laziness—it's about reclaiming your attention and creating space for meaningful reflection in a world designed to keep you distracted.

• The "Reflect" journal is beautifully designed with prompts that guide you through meaningful self-reflection without feeling overwhelming. The paper quality is chef's kiss.

A Personal Reflection Exercise I'm Loving

I've been practicing what I call the "Alternate Reality Check" lately, and it's been eye-opening. Here's how it works:

When facing a decision or reflecting on a situation, I imagine three alternate realities:

1. The Best Case Scenario: What's the absolute best outcome I can imagine?

2. The Worst Case Scenario: What am I afraid might happen?

3. The Most Likely Scenario: What will probably actually happen?

Then I ask myself: How would I feel in each scenario? What would I learn? How would I grow?

This exercise helps me put things in perspective, prepare for different outcomes, and often reveals what I truly value. Plus, it's a great way to catch catastrophic thinking before it spirals out of control.

Last week, I was agonizing over whether to pitch a new project at work. The worst-case scenario my brain immediately jumped to was total humiliation and possibly getting fired (thanks, anxiety). But when I worked through the exercise, I realized even in the worst realistic case—my idea getting rejected—I'd still learn something valuable and demonstrate initiative.

I pitched the idea. It wasn't met with unanimous enthusiasm, but my boss appreciated the thought I'd put into it and asked me to develop it further. Definitely not the catastrophe my fear-brain had conjured up!

Let's Get Real About Self-Reflection

Here's the thing about self-reflection that nobody talks about: it's not always comfortable. Sometimes you discover things about yourself that are hard to face. Old patterns. Unhelpful beliefs. Ways you've been holding yourself back.

About a month ago, through my evening reflection practice, I realized something uncomfortable: I often agree to things I don't actually want to do because I'm afraid of disappointing people. This leads to resentment, half-hearted efforts, and eventually, burnout.

Recognizing this pattern was uncomfortable. Changing it has been even more uncomfortable. But it's also been incredibly freeing. I'm learning to pause before saying yes, to check in with myself about what I truly want, and to set boundaries with kindness but firmness.

Self-reflection isn't just about feeling good—it's about becoming more authentic, more intentional, and ultimately, more yourself.

Before I Go...

I want to invite you to join me in a little experiment this week. I'm calling it the "Three-Minute Mirror." Each morning, before you dive into your day, take just three minutes to ask yourself:

1. How am I feeling right now? (Name the emotion)

2. What do I need today? (Be specific)

3. What's one small thing I can do to meet that need?

That's it. Three minutes. Three questions. But I promise, it can change the entire trajectory of your day.

If you try it, I'd love to hear how it goes! Hit reply and let me know, or share your experience on social media with #BarthelmyLetters so we can all learn from each other.

And if you found something valuable in this newsletter, would you consider forwarding it to a friend who might enjoy it too? Your shares are how our little community grows, and I'm grateful for each and every one.

Until next week, my friend. Remember, reflection isn't about finding all the answers—it's about asking better questions.

With warmth and curiosity,

Marc B.

P.S. The most powerful question I've learned to ask myself is simply: "What's true right now?" Not what I wish were true, or what I fear might be true, but what's actually true in this moment. Try it sometime when you're feeling overwhelmed. It's like a reset button for your mind.