Marriage Over 40: The Daily Struggles and Joys No One Talks About

🧠 Mindset Shift

Marriage over 40 isn’t about fixing each other. It’s about accepting each other, daily — while still doing the personal work.

The real power is in the re-choosing — showing up again, even when it’s not convenient or Instagrammable.

📓 Journal Prompt

✅ Actionable Strategy

Create a “Daily Reset” ritual.
Pick a 10-minute window every evening where you reconnect without distractions — no phones, no agenda. Just presence.

Talk about:

• one joy from the day,

• one stress, and

• one way you felt loved (or missed).

  Make it sacred. That 10 minutes can save you from months of drifting.

👋 Introduction

Im back again in your inbox.

This past week, having a conversation with my wife, we realized how much we don’t know eachother after doing this for about 20 years. The problem is you get comfortable and life becomes a routine. One day you look up and the person you’ve been with for so long has change so much. Marriage in your 40s is not the fairytale — it’s the real tale. The kind with eye bags, blended families, credit scores, midlife healing, second (or third) chances, and trying to figure out what to cook for dinner again.

But it’s also deeper love. A more layered connection. Less performance and more partnership. You’ve lived. You’ve messed up. You’ve grown. And now, you’re trying to grow together — while carrying your pasts, (your kids who may not even be in the house anymore, or are on their way out), your traumas, and your dreams.

So let’s talk about the daily reality of marriage over 40: waking up next to the same person everyday that you may or maynot even like at the moment, lol — the struggles that wear us down, and the joys that keep us coming back.

💥 The Emotional Weight of Lived Experience

If you’re not already married by 40, you’re not bringing just yourself into the relationship — you’re bringing your entire story. Childhood wounds. Divorce baggage. Parenting scars. Career burnout. Loss. Growth. All of it. Now if you are married, it’s pretty much the same thing lol.

This emotional weight shows up in:

• Triggered arguments over small things/stupid things-

  Wife: why did you leave the empty box of Gold Fish in the cabinet?

  Husband: I was coming back to throw it away lol.

• Communication shutdowns-

  Husbands shutdown when they open up and its not taken seriously.

  Wives shutdown when they feel unheard.

  BOTH ARE THE SAME REASON 🤔

• Fear of vulnerability (again)-

  Believe it or not sitting down and having a deep dive conversation with your spouse about finances can be a vulnerable space.

• Mismatched healing timelines-

  Even when you’re on your healing journey and trying to better yourself everyday, you may end up feeling resentment towards your partner for not wanting to better themselves with you. You feel like you are no longer on the same path as a unit.

But here’s the twist: those very weights can build the strongest emotional bridges — if you’re willing to do the work and let your guard down.

🧩 The Shift in Intimacy (It’s Not Just About Sex)

Intimacy after 40 is different. It’s less about performance and more about connection.

Sometimes it’s hot. Sometimes it’s healing. Sometimes it’s just a back rub and falling asleep mid-sentence. But the real intimacy? It’s found in:

• Deep belly laughs during dishes

• Staying curious about each other

• Knowing when to push, when to pause

• Choosing softness over sarcasm

Physical connection matters — but emotional presence sustains.

💬 Communication Now Requires More Intention

You’re not the same people who met in your 20s. Life has changed you. That means your communication style has to evolve too.

Common pitfalls:

• Talking at instead of with

• Assuming your partner should “just know”

• Weaponizing silence as protection

Daily intention sounds like:

It’s not about perfect words. It’s about brave ones.

🕰️ Time Together Feels Scarcer — and More Sacred

Work, aging parents, aging kids, morgage, exhaustion — time becomes a scarce resource in your 40s. But less time doesn’t mean less love.

The couples who thrive? They protect their time like a life raft:

• Mini check-ins over coffee

• Monthly “state of the union” convos

• Shared hobbies or workouts

• Touchpoint rituals (kisses hello, hugs goodbye)

It’s not how much time — it’s how present you are in it.

💚 The Joy Is in the Ordinary

Marriage over 40 isn’t about big gestures — it’s about micro-moments:

• A quiet hand squeeze in traffic

• Making their tea how they like it

• Defending them in public, even when you’re mad in private

• Laughing so hard you forget what the fight was about

This is the sweet spot: two grown humans, choosing each other again and again, even when life is loud, hard and love feels low-energy.

🏁 Conclusion: It’s Not About Perfection — It’s About the Practice

Marriage in your 40s is less about “soulmates” and more about teammates. Less about being right, more about being honest and real.

You will fight. You will disconnect. You will wonder if you’re doing it right. You will wonder if you still want to be in this situation.

But if you keep showing up — in the mundane, the dramatic, the messy, the miraculous — you’ll build something most people only dream about:
a relationship rooted in choice, not fantasy.

So don’t strive to be perfect. Just strive to be present. That’s where the magic lives.

Marc